Reefer one half
by The Ageless Stranger
Summary: Ranma Saotome begins to start to smoke a certain plant and gains a sense of enlightenment. Now that he seems a bit more relaxed and medicated what will this mean for our favorite lovebirds Ranma and Akane? Will things start going out of control? As usual


Reefer 1/2

By The Ageless Stranger

Chapter 1

_The characters of Ranma ½ are owned by Rumiko Takehashi. Now enjoy you little stoners…oh and the "thirty second dream sequence" idea originally came from Maddox's review of a certain movie on his webpage, so credit must go to him on that one. Also the flash parody Star Crap which you can find on newgrounds influenced a certain scene. Oh and I know Ranma's EXTREMLEY OOC for this story, but let's pretend for a bit yeah:) _

It was a beautiful sunny day at Furinkan High School. As the lunch bell rang, all of the students flocked out to the field to enjoy their lunch. Ah, yes a great day it was for a certain Saotome Ranma the co-heir to the Anything Goes School of Martial Arts. For today was lunchtime. Ah yes, the only time Ranma enjoyed in school except for gym class and computer science. (Mostly because, so he could play World of Warcraft on the school computer, he hadn't turned in any homework for the class) But now was lunchtime, but this wasn't always a blessing. For today he wasn't given any money to buy lunch with, not when his fiancé had cooked for him. Ranma shuddered at the thought. Akane's cooking was like drinking nuclear waste from Chernobyl's reactor. But then again its not like he could just get rid of it or allow some other poor soul to consume it's toxic contents. He had to be a man and eat his fiancée's cooking…for one he was a martial artist and he never turned down a challenge and two well…he loved to watch Akane smile the few times he managed to force it down without making a weird face. That he would never admit however, liking Akane smile, that was just a secret he kept to himself. Ranma groaned allowing his mind to wander like that and then he put his eyes to his destination, the school roof. Going into the building and scrabling up the several floors of stairs he finally arrived on the roof, so people wouldn't notice him projectile vomit the abomination that Akane had cooked. His eyes snapped focus to attention, there up on the roof were Hiroshi and Daisuke their backs up against the wall and they were puffing a badly rolled cigarette. Ranma sighed, he knew that these two would come up for an occasional smoke but Lunchtime was the best time for them to get caught. Suspension for a week and having to make up work as well as the punishment of being Principal Kuno's personal assistant for another week was enough for Ranma to worry about his friends sanity.

"Hey you dolts! This is a bad time to be smoking a cigarette! The truancy officer might come up here any minute!" Ranma yelled. Hiroshi and Daisuke looked at each other with red glazed eyes and laughed.

"Ranma…heee…this ain't a cigarette it's a REAL smoke." Hiroshi said with a grin on his face and handed the cigarette shaped object to Ranma. Ranma held his arms up in front of him in protest.

"H-hey c'mon now fellas! You know I don't-" Daisuke sighed.

"Don't be a wuss, Saotome. It's pot…you know marijuana…the sticky icky…" Daisuke went on and on until Ranma threw his arms up.

"I am not a wuss Daisuke! That shit's illegal for a reason and-" Hiroshi grinned.

"Saotome is scared! He really is a girl! I guess Ranma does wear panties and bats his eyelashes at the boys!" Ranma closed his eyes and ground his teeth, one thing he did NOT liked to be called was a girl. Suppressing the urge to punch both of them into the next world and then kicking them in the balls as they fried in hell, Ranma just gave his usual death glare as Hiroshi took another hit. Hiroshi offered him the joint again this time with a look on his face of more continued teasing of poor Ranma. A red battle aura formed around Ranma as he was clearly becoming more and more angry as the situation escalated. Ranma snatched the joint with a blinding speed that made his two friends step back a bit in surprise.

"I'll show you whose a girl you little assholes!" Ranma growled and then put the joint to his lips and sucked down the smoke. Oh and suck it he did, Hiroshi and Daisuke looked back amazed as Ranma was smoking the joint almost down to the crutch. Ranma sucked that joint and swallowed it all into his body, like a Saigon whore after a sailor boy paid her his due.

"R-Ranma….take it easy you're probably going to-" Hiroshi was cut off when a massive coughing fit erupted from Ranma. Hiroshi grabbed his phone and used the function that allowed him to record live video.

"_YouTube's gonna love this one…" _Hiroshi thought laughing in his mind. Ranma quit his coughing as the last of the smoke left his mouth. Ranma's face was as red as a tomato and his eyes matched perfectly along with a nice glaze added to them. His head felt funny, a bit dizzy but also…nice. He slight feelings shooting through his body that kind of reminded him of a massage but less intense yet in a way better… However the pain of hunger had increased from lunchtime and when Ranma Saotome was hungrier than his usual self (Who could put every restaurant chain in existence out of business) then that was the trouble. Unconsciously Ranma began to chew on his red Chinese shirt tearing the fabric a bit. The three of them sat in a circle and lit up another one as lunchtime dragged on and on. Ranma had felt more relaxed then he had ever been, sitting in a meditative pose he thought on many things in his life. Was his curse so bad? Was Akane really that uncute? Was it ketchup or catsup? How Ironic and funny it would be to call up Shampoo right now, have her track down Ryoga and tricking him into eating several orders of pork ramen, the list went on and on…and came to a grinding halt as the school bell rang. Ranma stood up a little dizzy and tired as the three wobbled their way towards the school entrance.

"Ranma…careful not to fall asleep on this particular brand of weed…it's called "nightmare kush" it can give ya some weird dreams…" Daisuke managed to say. Ranma turned around with a grin on his face.

"W-watcha say Daisuke….heee…." Ranma said giggling. The three boys began to laugh uncontrollably.

"Weird dreams….heh…heh where did ya get this stuff…." Ranma said with a voice that showed he was clearly stoned off his gourd.

"That dirty old man…that lives with you grows…it…hee…hee…says it's some weird special strain from china…heee…." Daisuke said as they stumbled down the stairwell. Happosai grew pot? Ranma wondered where and then shrugged. He would ask after school.

"Man….we are so lit….here…" Hiroshi said handing eye drops to Ranma to clear out the redness in his eyes.

* * *

Hinanko's English class was boring as ever and soon enough despite the warning Ranma was a bit too bored and far too lit to stay awake. Akane shot him her usual disappointing glare at the boy. Ranma was always sleeping in class, snoring away and this time it seemed a particularly deep sleep. Ranma was clearly drooling from his mouth falling on to what little notes he had taken at the beginning of class. (Which consisted of a badly drawn picture of Hinanko falling into a pit of venomous snakes and several words written below it consisting of: fuck English and a prayer to whatever kami represented food requesting a milkshake and some chips. Still Akane couldn't help but notice that Ranma did kind of look cute that way. Akane blushed heavily at the thought and fiddled with her pencil twirling it in her hands as she studied him more. 

"_Wonder what he's dreaming about…maybe me and him…?" _She blushed at the thought and then heard him mumble.

"Very good master…I shall attack the Jedi temple with the 501st immediately…" Ranma mumbled in his sleep. Akane frowned. He wasn't dreaming about HER he was dreaming about some movie! She was hoping he was dreaming about them being married, having children and…well she sure as hell hoped he could of dreamt something less retarded.

"Hmph!" Akane said and went back to taking notes with a face so frightening birds would fall off the telephone wires.

* * *

The volcanic surface of Mustafar seared the air with it's heat. If Tatooine was the armpit of the galaxy then this was the asshole. No matter, this is where that the newly crowned Emperor Taro had sent him. To finish off the Confederacy of Independent Systems. His victory was glorious…and there he stood in black Jedi robes and a large cloak whose hood obscured all his features except for his glowing yellow eyes a mark that had shown his fall…Ranma Saotome, the Chosen One, once the greatest of Jedi had now become a Sith Lord…Darth Fem-boyus….God he hated that name. Ranma's yellow eyes looked ahead as the shuttle landed and there he saw his beloved Akane make her way to the landing pad, clutching her pregnant belly as she made her way to him and embraced him. 

"I found you! Oh my love…Ryouga said horrible things! That you fell too…the dark side….that you killed younglings!" Akane sobbed. Ranma smiled an evil smile that would make small children sleep with a nightlight well into their mid-forties.

"It is true I have exterminated the cancer that was killing the galaxy. The Jedi were corrupt they had to be stopped. I have become more powerful than the Chancellor…I can overthrow him! Make things right! " Ranma said to his loved one. Akane's face welled up with tears, tears slowly falling only to be incinerated upon contact as they hit the rocky hot ground.

"R-Ryoga was right….you have changed…" Akane said crying. Ryouga! Ryouga! Ranma hated hearing the name of his former friend and mentor.

"Oh boo-hoo…like it wasn't painfully obvious last time I saw you. Yes I killed younglings and all the Jedi! I even shot our dog because I am so evil! Even though like two hours ago I was a hero and champion of the light and I threw away a lifetime of discipline and training, for some vague promise by a Sith Lord, who are known for lying and deceit, which came as a result from a thirty second dream sequence! I am a evil genius! Ha! Ha! Ha! See this is my evil face!" Ranma cackled. Akane clasped her hands together and gave him a pleading desperate look with her teary eyes showing endless sorrow.

"R-Ranma! You're breaking my heart! Your killing my will to live!" Akane sobbed.

"Do I look like I care?" Ranma said with a cocky look. Then his eyes looked up, there was Ryoga standing in his white Jedi robe with its brown over-robe swirling in the burning heat of Mustafar. Now things were clear and painfully obvious.

"You brought him here to kill me! Now I'll kill you and destroy the orginal point of turning to the dark side in the first place!" Ranma bellowed as he force chocked the sobbing Akane. Akane grabbed her throat choking, and felt life slowly slip from her.

"Let her go, Ranma!" Ryouga bellowed. Ranma complied and looked at Ryoga with furious eyes bent on tearing him to shreds.

"You turned her against me! This all your fault!" Ranma growled. Ryouga gave him a weird stare.

"What? Me? but…you just….huh?" Ryouga said pointing first at the unconscious Akane, then to Ranma still with his black gloved hand in the motion of a force choke and then back to Akane again. Ranma gave a long stare at his old mentor and with a flick of his thumb on the dial of the small metal object he held in is hand a loud hiss was heard….and a blue lightsaber blade emerged as Ranma prepared to face his destiny…"

* * *

Ranma awoke from that particularly weird dream groggily. Rubbing his eyes he came into focus and he stretched a bit. 

"Man _I was pretty baked…still am…they were right…that was a weird dream…_" A glare from Akane snapped him back into the reality, as did the stapler thrown by Hinanko which smacked him on the head.

"Saotome-san! If you feel like sleeping why don't you stand out in the hall and sleep there! Or perhaps my Happo-five yen-satsu can help you rest! Hinanko said in a very scary voice. Ranma snapped to attention and tried much harder to concentrate. Hinanko went back to writing words on the chalkboard and continued her English lesson. Ranma, bored and stoned out of his mind watched the clock. For some ungodly reason time certainly seemed slower, the last five minutes seemed like five hours. He fidgeted with his pigtail, bored and then began to slightly doze off again….until an eraser hit him square in the forehead. Hinanko made two fists out of her tiny childlike hands and then put them to her hips. Ranma's face was covered in powdery chalk and wiped it off his face as the white dust clouded around him.

"Saotome-san! Just go home, your wasting the classes and my time!" Hinanko growled. At last! Something good came of sleeping! Home was where food was! Also a bath and his futon! Ranma dusted the rest of the chalk which now covered his red shirt as well the young martial artist wobbled out of the classroom and made his way down the stairs. Today wasn't his day. Walking for about twenty minutes down the main avenue, Ranma was once again reminded of his hunger plight by the growling of his stomach. Kasumi should have made dinner now and he still had time to smoke another doobie before he got there.

"_Man the enlightenment I gained on the rooftop was amazing…thank god Daisuke gave me some extra…" _Ranma thought with a smile crawling on the boys face. Ranma glanced by a shop window and looked at his own reflection. He was certainly and handsome boy to the standards of many women and one couldn't deny that his ego was as inflated as some of those dolls that lonely people buy. He studied the clothing he wore, the same red Chinese shirt he wore day after day. After some consideration (and some puffing) he decided a new change in his wardrobe was in order. Ranma smiled to himself and set off to the clothing store.

* * *

"I'm home!" Akane yelled as she slid open the shoji. She was still slightly irritated at Ranma but she had decided to let it go for the moment. Ranma…the boy was always on her mind and she certainly loved him and she suspected he felt the same way, but something always happened before they could confess each other's feelings. It frustrated her to no end. Akane clenched her soft feminine hands into fists and growled but quickly calmed herself. Maybe Ranma was just having a bad day. 

"Akane! Do you mind taking Ranma's lunch up to him?" Kasumi asked. Akne sighed and took the plate containing a bowl of rice and some tempura. Kasumi's tempura always smelled and tasted good and Akane secretly hoped someday she could cook that well instead of making food not fit for a biohazard zone. Balancing the tray in her hands Akane walked up the stairs and walked over to Genma and Ranma's room.

"Ranma! Lunch is-" Akane was cut off with a cloud of smoke pouring out of the room and she began to cough violently. After the smoke cleared Akane dropped the tray with the tempura and rice spilling all over the tatami mats. Sitting there was Ranma but instead of his traditional red Chinese shirt he was wearing a tie dye t-shirt, instead of the black pants he usually wore, he was wearing a pair of faded jeans. He also wore a a small metal pot leaf pendant attached to a metal chain that wrapped around his neck and on his face was a pair of sunglasses with purple tinted round lenses. To top it off his pigtail was undone and his long shoulder length hair was left free to drape over his back. He was also holding a badly rolled cigarette that Akane knew didn't contain tobacco.

"RANMA!!!!" Akane yelled and Ranma jumped back in surprise as Akane's screaming snapped him out of his trance and Ranma's bloodshot eyes saw Akane and he panicked. Akane still stood there furious, although she did notice that Ranma looked WAY cuter dressed like this, but the fact she KNEW that made her become more angry out of embarrassment for thinking that way about Ranma. With the build of his muscular chest, and those dreamy eyes and imagining rubbing up against that body…Akane was almost lost in eating up this boy and his new look she almost forgot she was angry.

"Akane! Wait I can-" Ranma started but was cut off.

"Not only are you a freeloader, a jerk, insensitive, and a an all around lazy loser your now a goddamned pot smoking hippie! I can't believe you! You think just because you have a nice ass that you show off in those jeans you think can get away with-" Ranma gave her a shocked looked at her and Akane covered her mouth after the last comment accidentally slipped out and her face proceeded to turn the same color of a tomato.

"Waddya just say Akane?" Ranma said, blushing himself with his face as going red as his eyes. The joint he was smoking had completely burnt itself out now and Ranma and Akane just stared at each other for the longest time, with both teens horribly embarrassed.

"I-I didn't say anything...HEY! That still doesn't explain why your higher than a kite you…you…STONED JERK!!!!" Akane screamed and kicked Ranma straight up, through the roof and flying through the air. The last thing Ranma saw before everything turned black was that he was quickly heading toward the koi pond….and a whole world of trouble.

* * *

_Well that's the end of the first chapter! Stay tuned for the next and if you R&R and didn't like it please use constructive criticism. Flames should only be used for lighting bowls, children! _

_-The Ageless Stranger_


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